


Pun-conscious

by InfernalRevenge



Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/F, Family Fluff, but what about the jane who brings the dad jokes, jane the mom friend is great, jane the punster needs more love, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:41:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24425188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfernalRevenge/pseuds/InfernalRevenge
Summary: Jane is the mum friend who tells dad jokes -- so much so that it's simply second nature.
Relationships: Anne Boleyn & Jane Seymour, Anne of Cleves & Jane Seymour, Catherine Parr & Jane Seymour, Catherine of Aragon & Jane Seymour, Katherine Howard & Jane Seymour
Comments: 25
Kudos: 88





	1. The Cereal Punster

**Author's Note:**

> In honor of the fact that if I were to ever be a Six queen, I would be Jane Seymour. Ask my friends and they will tell you how I can just rapid fire puns if left unsupervised.
> 
> I am not British or English, but I'll try to apply what I know to the dialogue and context if possible. Please forgive me for any mistakes.

It wasn't unusual to see Jane up early, even on a weekend morning when most of the queens would sleep in or had stayed up late the previous night. Despite her constant reminder to the others to always get a good night's rest and sleep at the right time (particularly to Cathy and Anne), she didn't really follow her own advice, mostly because she didn't need to. She functioned well enough on six hours of sleep -- an ability that the last queen was most envious of.

What was a little surprising though was seeing Kitty already in the kitchen, preparing a simple breakfast of milk and chocolate cereal. Aragon was Jane's typical company at these times, and even then the blonde would still wake up earlier.

Kitty gave Jane a little smile of greeting as she spooned up some of her breakfast.

"Morning, Kitty. What's got you up so early?" Jane asked, a bit of concern in her tone. The pink girl didn't look particularly upset, so it wasn't a bad dream -- a dead look in her eyes was absent then.

She shrugged in response, "Just couldn't fall back asleep and got hungry, so," she replied, gesturing to the bowl in front of her.

"Where's Catherine this morning?" Jane looked around the kitchen for any sign of the Catholic, having already passed the living room on the way down and not finding her there either.

"She went to mass, I think. It's Sunday," Kitty pointed out, nodding toward the calendar on the side of the refrigerator.

Jane glanced up at the clock. Oh wow, maybe she had slept in a little too -- it was just a little past 9am then, and mass at the nearby church usually started at 8:30. Catherine had invited her to go sometimes, though she only managed to make it a few times, preferring to hang back and get a head start on other things around the house.

"Oh, guess I somehow missed the time. Didn't realize she had been _Ara-gone_ for quite a while," Jane muttered, hand under her chin as if she looked to be in thought.

Kitty dropped her spoon into her bowl and looked up at the older queen, a deadpan look on her face. "Really?"

"What?" Jane looked at her, noting the expression she wore.

"Ara-gone? You'd just woken up and you're already..." Kitty rested her forehead on her hand, sounding exasperated, but was unable to stop a breath of a laugh from escaping as she finished talking.

This only caused Jane to giggle, realizing that she did just make a pun almost unconsciously. It seemed Jane Seymour was going on "pilot mode" at the time -- funny that this was what seemed to be her default setting. "Well what can I say, you do know me as quite the _cereal_ jokester," she replied, pointing down at the younger one's breakfast.

An exasperated sigh escaped her pink lips, a soft giggle following.

"It's too early for this."

"No such thing as too early, wouldn't want my streak to _break fast_ now, would I?"

"Jane, please!"


	2. Slice of Life

Coming home from a two show day, there just wasn't enough energy left in the queens to cook something up for supper as they all piled in through the door. There wasn't really any time either to make something satisfying, so when Anna suggested calling to deliver some pizzas, everyone immediately agreed -- even Catherine, who would have been against it due to the lack of nutrients you can really get from such a food.

Though Anne had argued before that pizza was a perfectly wholesome meal ("You've got meat for protein, vegetables for our vitamins, plus the tomato sauce! The bread is carbohydrates, y'know, for energy! And cheese covers fats, which is still an essential part of our diet!"), it could be argued back that all the grease practically coating the slices counteracts any "benefits" that may come from eating it.

Still, they were tired and needed to fill their bellies, so pizza it was then.

"What toppings are we going to get?" Anna asked, already pulling up an app to order their food from.

"Pineapples!" Cathy replied first. As if on instinct, she immediately turned to Anne, who seemed like she was about to interject until Cathy said, "And don't you dare say anything about my taste buds, Boleyn. Just because you can't appreciate complex flavors, doesn't mean you have to ruin it for me and Kit."

The younger queen next to her nodded, smiling wide like they had just defeated the green queen in her own game, judging from the glare she gave the both of them.

"We can always order another pizza so everyone's satisfied," Catherine said, having set her things down and taking her place on the armchair in the living room.

"Can we get supreme then? The one with the peppers and onions and black olives?" Anne suggested, plopping next to Anna on the couch as the latter scrolled through their options. Hearing no objections, it was settled and the food was on its way.

Within the hour, the queens had gathered at their dining room to enjoy their meal. As Catherine finished saying grace, they immediately dug in, with Cathy and Kit eagerly grabbing slices of the ham and pineapple pizza. Anne tried not to make a teasing face at them as she watched them eat, only to be flung a small piece of fruit courtesy of her cousin.

"Hey, don't play with your food! We're not children here," Jane scolded, taking a bite of her own supreme pizza. She seemed extremely satisfied with it, not that she had anything against Cathy and Kit's flavor of choice.

The supreme pizza seemed to run out much quicker than the other, with the former's remaining slices already taken by the other queens as the latter still had three left. Cathy had never had the biggest appetite anyway, so it was almost understandable, but with Kitty's energy and metabolism, she needed all the fuel she can get (even if all that's left to do for the night was get ready for bed).

"So everyone liked the supreme over that dastardly abomination, safe to say, huh?" Anne commented with a smirk, earning her the glares of the blue and pink queens.

"Like it? _Olive_ for it!" Jane replied rather enthusiastically, popping a sliced black olive into her mouth as she looked on at the other women. Oh, here we go.

Anna couldn't help but let out a roar of a laugh, slapping the table as soon as she got the joke. Catherine merely shook her head, but a smile was undeniably visible on her face -- no doubt she was amused. Kitty had tried to hide a giggle as she went on about eating, only to suddenly get louder as she saw the frustrated looks on Anne's and Cathy's faces. They were always the ones who seemed the most embarrassed whenever Jane let out one of her infamous puns, but with all the queens as her audience, it just meant she would have more coming up.

"And it's begun," Cathy muttered, lifting her hand to her temples as if to massage away a headache.

"Oh come on, you're so dramatic! Stop being so _crusty_ about it!" Jane fired back, laughing as she delivered her own line.

"We really can't go one night, huh?" Anne shook her head, shoulders shaking slightly like she were stifling it while her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"Give her some credit, Anne," Anna spoke up now, having caught her breath. "I'm sure _cheese_ got some pretty good ones up her sleeve."

It was Jane's turn to return the laughter now, immediately high-fiving the German queen as she lifted her hand up. Anna was the only one to not only humor her jokes, but also join in on the fun -- not as evident with her stage persona, but she definitely appreciated them, no matter how cheesy. It was a plus that it got to annoy some of them too though.

"Yes, if you think I'm about to let up, you're wrong. I'm about to go _ham_!" Jane pointed at Cathy's pizza slice, lying on her plate momentarily forgotten as a groan escaped her.

"And if you've got a problem with it, she ought to give you a _pizza_ her mind!" Anna added, nudging Jane as they both erupted in laughter at the other girls' expressions.

Anne furrowed her brows, leaning herself against Kitty like the drama queen she is, "When will it end?!"

"They're bound to run out of steam eventually," the younger one muttered back, watching the third and fourth wives still go at it.

By the time they finished dinner, the two have moved on to other food-based puns, much to the ire of some others.

"I'm quite stuffed now, don't think I'll have _mushroom_ left for dessert now."

"Aww, are you sure you're feeling o- _cake_ , darling?"

"Yeah but anyway, we should probably stop _ice lolly_ -gagging by now and get ready for bed."

"Oh that was forced and you know it!" Cathy argued, already headed up the stairs to her room.

A brief silence followed, only to be broken by Jane, "Well that was rather un- _cold_ for, Cathy."

"That's not even related to food!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like the idea that Anna would join in the chaos that is Jane making multiple puns in a row, so this is what we have now HAHA


	3. Eggs-actly What She Was Afraid Of

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I'm really going to write anything really serious for this story -- it's just jokes galore. I hope that even this would be enough to lift your spirits in these troubling times. Thanks for the comments and kudos so far.

If anyone were to ask "How can you keep a household running with girls as chaotic as Boleyn, Howard, and Cleves under one roof?" well... They would point you to Catherine, but when it came to actually keeping things functioning in the house, that would be Jane and Cathy's job. Catherine more or less wrangled and disciplined the more rambunctious of the queens for enough moments of peace, but her household skills were limited to cleaning up and cooking. 

Jane and Cathy handled the groceries, sorting out the bills, paying taxes, maintaining household upkeep, and even basic plumbing and electric wiring sometimes, thanks to Cathy's insistence on reading up on them. The survivor had always been the type to read the instruction manual before diving head first into a task anyway -- unlike some people.

Without the pair, it was likely the household would not only descend to madness, but also lack basic supplies for such madness.

Cathy and Jane usually took turns buying the groceries every week, but they had missed their day when an intense two show day left some of the queens sick the day after, and they willingly risked their days off so the performance can continue. Today, they decided to make up for lost time and headed together, hoping to get enough groceries that would last more than a week, just in case.

"You have the list, Cathy?" Jane asked as she parked the car. The other gave a nod, pulling out the paper folded neatly in the pocket of her trousers. They let the other queens fill in anything they could want from the grocery, so everyone was happy.

They grabbed a cart and went inside, greeted by a kindly woman up front and the store's playlist of last year's pop hits. How exciting.

"Alright, first thing, shall we get some toiletries?" Jane kept one hand on the side of the cart as Cathy pushed it, looking through the list.

"Sure. It's the closest aisle, so I _soap_ -pose we should start there," Jane replied, looking back at Cathy for the deadpan expression she was sure to provide the punning queen with.

And she was incredibly satisfied with the result.

This was going to be a long trip for Cathy.

At every aisle and section, Jane seemed to have a joke for every single one.

The dairy section. "Let's just take three cartons. Wouldn't want to _milk_ them for everything they've got."

The bread and other baked goods section. "Come on, we've got to get home soon, quit _loafing_ around!"

In frozen foods. "Maybe we can take a look around first and _meat_ back here? Oh don't look at me so sus- _fish_ -ously!"

Even in the fruits and vegetables section -- and there were far too many options for jokes there as far as Cathy was concerned. " _Lettuce_ find some ingredients for a salad. I'm sure our _celery_ for the month can handle it, right? I promise once we finish, we can _beet_ it right out of here. I'm sure you're _berry_ tired by now, but _orange_ you glad you got to spend this time with me?"

All throughout, Jane couldn't help but let a cheeky smile shine through with every pun, growing even wider with every exasperated sigh the writer let escape from her lips.

As soon as they got home, Cathy carried as many grocery bags as she could in her arms, while Jane settled for three so she can just make a return trip back. Anna and Kit went out to help as soon as they saw them pull into the drive way though, so a second trip for anyone wasn't really needed.

"Thank god! I didn't think I was gonna last much longer!" Cathy said, trying to set the bags down as carefully as possible on the kitchen counter. Anne and Catherine went to work to putting the contents where they belonged.

"Were the groceries that heavy?" Catherine inquired, lifting a bag for herself.

"No, I meant Jane and her jokes were going to be the death of me," Cathy replied, groaning as she settled down on a stool on the island. "But yes, the bags were rather heavy too."

"Well you know what they say -- 'Two trips are for chumps!'" Anne said, fishing out some jars of jam and placing them where they belonged.

"Somehow Jane never ran out of material." Cathy herself brought out the small container of strawberries they bought to place in the refrigerator. "It was getting _berry_ hard to listen to her."

Silence.

All the women looked at Cathy, almost in shock and disbelief. Meanwhile, Jane wore a pleasantly surprised expression -- almost looking proud too.

"What?" The blue queen asked, confused at the sudden attention.

"You just made a pun, babe," Anna pointed out, a smile of her own spreading across her features.

"W-what? No, no I didn't. I don't do puns, puns are the lowest form of word play."

"You did, you just said you were ' _berry_ tired'," Kit chimed in and pointed at the box Cathy was holding -- the strawberries.

"It was a coincidence! I would not do this on purpose."

"Aww Cathy, if you had told me you wanted to make jokes with me, I'd be more than happy to s- _apple_ -y you with material," Jane nudged playfully, holding an apple in one hand.

"No, I didn't do that on purpose!" She set the strawberries away and picked up another item from the bag to place in the pantry. "This is _eggs_ -actly the kind of thing I've been wanting to avoid all day!"

This time, Anna, Kit, and Jane couldn't hold in their laughter anymore, having to catch themselves and their breaths as Cathy looked on, even more confused and frustrated than ever.

"Look what's in your hand, hun," Anne pointed out.

A carton of eggs.

Cathy had to resist the urge to slap her forehead. Apparently spending enough time with Jane will lead to inevitable punning for a while.

"Looks like the _yolks_ on you now, Cathy."

"Jane, stop."


End file.
